Traumatized....

So, I've been having the shitty week from hell, with the cherry on top being yesterday. I picked my car up from Tom Wood Nissan after getting my battery replaced (the heat killed it) and got back onto this HELL HOLE of an intersection called 96th and Keystone. It's probably the worst street of my life, and it was rush hour. As I was going straight heading toward a green light, this white Buick comes out of freaking nowhere and tries to turn in front of me to get to the parking lot to the right of my lane, almost smashes into my side of the car, and I panic and slam into a utility pole as I was going about 40 miles per hour. I had no damn clue what had just happened, it happened so fast it made my head spin. I hurt my chest pretty bad, and I can't remember if it was the seatbelt that caused the bruising or hitting the steering wheel. I just don't remember. I had to ride in an ambulance to the ER to get my chest x-rayed and thank god nothing was wrong, but damn, I hurt. I want to forget about it....I want to forget that feeling that I might die.

For a split second I started thinking, 'I never got to say goodbye to anyone.' That is not a good feeling. That is a feeling that I want to forget. I am always a worst-case scenario person, always thinking this and that is going to kill me. But ACTUALLY facing your own mortality is horrible. I started thinking about how I wouldn't see my future with my boyfriend, how I would never see my family or my dog again, how my name would be on the news....my funeral. My imagination gets so damn carried away, I just want the shit to stop. I want to lock my bad thoughts in a box and throw it to the bottom of the ocean. I want to be happy that I'm alive instead of thinking back to 'what if?'. I'm trying so hard to be positive and grateful (which I am grateful), but the trauma is still there. This was just yesterday though, so I will feel a lot better by next week. But I still can't believe this actually happened. I've never faced death before. I'm sure a lot of people face death before their time at some point in their life. So I'm not alone. I'm so lucky to have my friends and my boyfriend and my family and my coworkers to support me. Everyone has been so understanding and awesome. 

I know I won't be found at fault for this, this kid was about 16-17 so his parents will probably pay their share of the damages. When I got out of the car I screamed so loud at this kid I think he was more scared of me than he was at the situation, lol. I mean really, though, if you're trying to turn and you can't see who's coming, don't fucking turn! Common sense. My mom has been in accidents this way too. Just look before you turn, please. 

My car may or may not be totalled but if it is, which is likely, I'll have to get ANOTHER new car. -_- This'll be my third car in 2 years. I dunno when I'll get another car but I'm gonna be having everyone shuffle me around and having to deal with this back-seat driver.

<3 Lara