For a split second I started thinking, 'I never got to say goodbye to anyone.' That is not a good feeling. That is a feeling that I want to forget. I am always a worst-case scenario person, always thinking this and that is going to kill me. But ACTUALLY facing your own mortality is horrible. I started thinking about how I wouldn't see my future with my boyfriend, how I would never see my family or my dog again, how my name would be on the news....my funeral. My imagination gets so damn carried away, I just want the shit to stop. I want to lock my bad thoughts in a box and throw it to the bottom of the ocean. I want to be happy that I'm alive instead of thinking back to 'what if?'. I'm trying so hard to be positive and grateful (which I am grateful), but the trauma is still there. This was just yesterday though, so I will feel a lot better by next week. But I still can't believe this actually happened. I've never faced death before. I'm sure a lot of people face death before their time at some point in their life. So I'm not alone. I'm so lucky to have my friends and my boyfriend and my family and my coworkers to support me. Everyone has been so understanding and awesome.
I know I won't be found at fault for this, this kid was about 16-17 so his parents will probably pay their share of the damages. When I got out of the car I screamed so loud at this kid I think he was more scared of me than he was at the situation, lol. I mean really, though, if you're trying to turn and you can't see who's coming, don't fucking turn! Common sense. My mom has been in accidents this way too. Just look before you turn, please.
My car may or may not be totalled but if it is, which is likely, I'll have to get ANOTHER new car. -_- This'll be my third car in 2 years. I dunno when I'll get another car but I'm gonna be having everyone shuffle me around and having to deal with this back-seat driver.